I received a gentle reminder today that I hadn’t posted on my lj/blog in like a month. Surely, I thought, it hadn’t been that long. It had. I have completely lost track of time and neglected blog world.
It started weeks ago with a phone call from Florida. The type of call that comes in the off hours of the night and makes your stomach clench in that nauseating fashion. Except for me it was in the wee hours of the morning.
My dad is a special man in my life. Oh I’m not here to say we were the best of friends or anything like that. Dad was a workaholic-a stranger in some ways. Hell, most of my memories of him are from him yelling at me or my brothers. Or handing out that discipline. But growing up I liked talking to him. He’s funny, down to earth and a no nonsense type of guy.
Last night was another phone call. There had been another fall, causing a broken bone, and another surgery planned. The only difference this time is that there was a finality in my dad’s voice when I spoke to him this morning. A sadness of all he’d lost and of all that happened between us. He spoke of what he wanted when he passed on. He feared I’d be mad at him. He feared that I would think he didn’t love me as much as my little brother.
I assured him I loved him. That everything was okay between us.
And then his mind slipped into another era as he spoke of people long dead. Talking about them as if they were alive and he would see them soon. Something inside me sort of broke. I won’t say this is the first time I noticed it. I traveled out east two weeks ago and knew something wasn’t right. No matter how the surgery goes today; things will never be quite the same. It’s okay. I am at peace with that for I had my dad today when it counted the most.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
That is so sad. I hope the surgery went well.
Tia, sorry I didn't see this sooner. He's had some problems with his breathing since everything. Doctors are doing more tests. Thank you for the kind words.
Post a Comment